The other day, driving back from San Francisco, I realized how much I hate fairness and democracy – in the music / open mic context. (See my previous rant on the subject of open mics here).

But wait, you say, isn’t fairness the very thing your typical venue DOESN’T have? i.e. lame booking agents that won’t check out your CD (or call you back), open mic nights that turn into a weekly insiders-only party, the incestuous club of hipster bands that dominate your scene, etc etc – [insert your complaint here].

Yes – but fairness has it’s dark side too. Example: I drove up to the Hotel Utah to play their reputedly excellent open mic. Signup is ‘by 7:30′, so I’m there at 7… but wait , what’s this? OH NO NO NO IT’S A RANDOM-DRAW NIGHT!!!! KILL ME NOW!!

For those of you who haven’t experienced this horror, a Random Draw Open Mic night works like so: everyone puts their name on a scrap of paper, the scraps are placed in a jar, and the scraps are pulled out to determine the order of play.

Now, I understand the motivation here – the host wants to be egalitarian and fair, maybe has some vague hippie ideal of providing an ‘even playing field’, blah blah blah. This is all wonderful and great – IF the typical number of attendees of your event is small, and they are all local. For example, the Open Mic night of a remote Alaskan fishing village, or maybe of the Springwater Lodge in February should be run this way.

FOR EVERY OTHER OPEN MIC, THERE ARE HUGE PROBLEMS WITH THIS APPROACH.
1) It is a gigantic ‘locals-only’ filter. Think about it – if there’s no benefit to being there early to get a good spot, then the slacker-freak-serial-killer-meth-head around the corner has exactly the same chance of getting a great spot at the Random Draw night as the valiant guy who worked hard to get there early (you know, me). At the Hotel Utah, I hit a reverse home run – I drove 4 hours to be there, and drew number FORTY SIX. Yes, dear reader, that meant I got to play after 45 other fabulous and talented musicians – around 12:30AM. How likely am I to make that drive again? NOT AT ALL. Result: the quite fun open mic at the Hotel Utah will remain a locals-only deal. That’s too bad. I actually had a guy tell me “yeah, these kids from Japan played here one time- they had a flight out the next morning, and drew almost the last number of the night – isn’t that cool?”. No it isn’t cool – it’s fucking retarded. The host should have bumped them up ahead of local regulars. I’m just saying.

2) It removes the host’s judgment from the ‘who get’s to play’ process, and that’s a cop-out. If EVERYONE gets to play just because they show up, and there’s no other filter (commitment to be there early, reviews, fans that showed up to see them, a funny shirt, the fact that you are visiting FROM JAPAN), etc then your night will become what the Utah’s was that night – 53 random folks playing one song each. Some good, some bad, no structure, no editing. That’s an open mic a robot or a monkey could run, and while it’s good for the bar to have a bored herd of musicians waiting to play, it is bad for the audience and the scene.

The best open mics cultivate new / random / sucky players of any style – but DON’T automatically put them on the same playing field as known-good talent that the audience likes. Open mic hosts: encourage the terrible performer, but put them on later. Let them play fewer songs until they get better. Make choices. We’re counting on you.

- Karl

P.S. There is one open mic I remember that did it even worse that the Utah – that’s the much more famous Club Passim in Cambridge. Their approach was to have a random-draw night, but NOT DRAW ALL THE NAMES AT THE START OF THE NIGHT – no, that would spoil the surprise! Their special magic was to draw one name after each performance, so YOU NEVER KNEW WHO WAS UP NEXT! It was Chinese water torture, open mic style. (“might I be next???? Damn. Ooh, ooh, ooh, how about now? No.” Idiots.

P.P.S I bet the Utah on a mellower night, if I got a semi-sane number, would be a great place to play. Excellent vibe, cool staff, nice host, good sound. That’s why they’re so popular, right? My rant above is about the hidden problems of a ‘fair’ approach.

See photos…